Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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