the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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