everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
