I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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