why didn't you poke me back
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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