I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
