I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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