We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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