That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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