I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
