I'm so fucking centered right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize