So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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