Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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