they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
