I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
birth control should be required to get into college
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My ass is underappreciated
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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