my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
