I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
