I accidentally had phone sex last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
