In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
