I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
