Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
