I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You pole danced in your parka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
