he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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