Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
