I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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