why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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