i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
