I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
