I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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