the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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