I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
