i think my mom watched the whole time
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
high people should be assigned attendants
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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