Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
