Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
