If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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