someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize