I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
