I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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