I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
