If that was your dad, he is hot
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
