My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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