Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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