Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
