I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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