oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
