This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
