I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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