I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
