Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
