home. puking in laundry basket.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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