her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
this is an emotional support booty call
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
