Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
