Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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