I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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