I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
