Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
