im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
