I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
