It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
