Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
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Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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